archive

after     june1.07

            So it looks like this is where we stand, and neither of us is willing to give and inch to get a mile. I know what I want and it’s you, and I had hoped that the reverse was the same but from where I’m standing, it doesn’t seems that way. I just wish I knew were we had gone wrong so that I could try to fix it somehow. But fixing doesn’t seem to be a viable option anymore; I know that because we’ve already tried. So I guess this is the point where I just give up on you, move on, and find someone new.

            But there’s this little part inside of me that’s telling me to fight, and that if I don’t then I’ll never fight for anything ever again in my entire life. It seems like such a dim prospect but it’s all I’m living on now. So I’m stuck, deadlocked between wanting you and giving up. I know that what I’m fighting for is a futile cause but I also know that sometimes things need to be fought for. But where do you draw the line between worthwhile and hopeless in the sand during rising tide?

            I guess it was my fault: I looked at you as if you were a thing of absolute glory, someone whose overall image could never be tarnished. That was just my fantasy, the thing I confused with reality. And it hurts a little now to think about it because I thought I was better than petty mental games; I thought I was past being that naïve, but obviously I am not.